Author: Connie Dunn

My husband and I are trying to get pregnant, and it has been our primary goal over the past few years. Sadly, I can’t stop being sad about it because I feel like it’s been a long time that I expect a result. The pressure, depression, and anxiety, all lead to me having a mental health breakdown. I could not imagine anything else rather than getting pregnant at this point. Each month that the pregnancy test turns negative, it adds more emotional and mental damage. Not only does it affect me, but also my husband as well. But even though that’ is the case, we still hope and feel excited about it. My husband and I are always striving and doing our best to live a healthy lifestyle to allow us a better chance of getting a baby. Unfortunately, up until now, chances are still low. “Your body is smart, it knows that (periods of stress) aren’t good times to have a baby,” says Alice Domar, PhD.

The Pressure I have read an article at BetterHelp that one thing that triggers the mental health issue of this pressure of not getting pregnant is my age. I’m not getting any younger. I do believe that the more I add some years in my life, the harder for me to bear a child. My body is sometimes giving up on me, and I know for a fact that it’s normal. That at a certain point in my life, I know I am not as healthy and active like the way I was before. So I would say that I can expect the unexpected. Another thing that contributes to mental health damage is the people around me. The constant questioning of “when will I bear a child” is killing me every day. I often get uncomfortable with these people asking me about the same question over and over again every time they had the opportunity to see me. And although I already told them not to pressure me, they still give me tons of unsolicited advice that are unmanageable.  

“Give yourself permission to handle the questions in the way that makes you feel most comfortable. That could mean avoiding the question, educating your loved ones, or being honest with them.” Georgia Witkin Ph.D. advised.

I feel depressed and sad all the time. That’s because a lot of my friends are already happy with their kids. Though I seldom wish not to have the kind of pressure they experience as a mom, I somehow envy them for that. I want to experience what it feels like to take care of my little child, cuddle with him, and hold him in my arms. Well, I’m not pathetic, I’m just hopeful I guess.

The reason why it is also mentally damaging is due to the fear and anxiety of not being capable of bearing a child.

“Struggling to have a biological child is a complicated grief process because it’s often an invisible loss,” says Martha Diamond, PhD. “There are not rituals or public ways to honor these losses, and people often don’t talk about it. They feel like something is wrong with them, and these situations can deliver a painful blow to someone’s self-esteem.”

It’s not like I am in a situation where I should give up on trying conceiving. But I am at this point where I need to undergo specific medical procedures to be able to get the results I want. The only problem in this state is the “assurance” that will convince me that everything is entirely okay. Well, I hope it will. For me, taking care of myself also adds pressure. There are lots of adjustments I need to take. Though I already tried doing some of it, it somehow it feels not enough. I have this sense of urgency to change everything in my life only to get pregnant. With that, I feel like I’m becoming someone I’m not. I don’t find myself smiling and laughing anymore because my focus was to look for ways that will help me get pregnant. I get too obsessed about pregnancy and anything related to it.

With all the damages the pressure of getting pregnant is giving me, one is becoming the worst. The emotional and mental strain is making me lose my relationship. I love my husband more than anything in the world. But too much exhaustion, devastation, failed expectation, sadness, and isolation is ruining us apart. I can’t appear to do anything about it because I’m mentally drained already. With the greater hope of bearing a child, I know I have to make a lot of sacrifices. I need to undergo clinical processes that not all else does; only to make sure that everything can work according to my needs. Honestly, I don’t regret my decision of not having a child at an early age or maybe on a couple of years ago. However, giving all these pressure of getting pregnant, I think I am starting to feel that way. I am about to lose hope.

Pregnancy is special and often overwhelming for women who are diagnosed with existing heart disease. One crucial event that occurs during pregnancy is an increase in the work of the heart, which means that the heart must work double time. This becomes a dilemma for the expectant mom with heart disease. “With the presence of CVD [Cardiovascular Disease] in pregnant women posing a difficult clinical scenario in which the responsibility of the treating physician extends to the unborn fetus.”, Tamam N Mohamad, MD explains. She must also work hard and find ways to be able to provide sufficient effort to prevent further complications. Ultimately, pregnancy is a sensitive issue and something that needs much thought for the expectant mother and her family as well. Read more

Motherhood is the purpose of womanhood, but no one is ever ready to face all the pain and struggles physically and psychologically. “The choice of whether or not to have children is probably the most important one of a woman’s life. Just think about it-if you marry the wrong person, you can get a divorce,” wrote Ellen Walker, PhD. “But a child is your responsibility for the next eighteen years, and on some levels for the rest of your life.”

“Many couples do not give themselves permission to thoughtfully explore whether or not having children is right for them because of fears of being different, disappointing others or missing out on life experiences that couples with children experience,” said Joyce Marter, LCPC.

Being unprepared activates the mother instinct, and it may be the reason why women seem to have a switch turning them from an innocent, spontaneous girl to a solemn and bound individual. Some women may say they have been looking forward to raising a little angel and that they have been preparing their whole life, but after a while when the baby arrives, mothers seem stressed, and no matter how we justify, stress is never a sign of happiness.  

Let’s Find Out About The Essential Issues A Mother-To-Be Would Face:

Late Nights  

If it is your first time to have a baby and you are going to be a mom full time, expect late nights and less sleeping hours. It means you would likely have eye bags and dark circles. Two years ago, you may be awake until 4:00 am because you are at a friend’s party, but when you are a mom, expect to have less to no social gatherings at all. It’s not that you can’t leave the baby, but there’s always a push which tells you the right thing to do as a mother.  

Fewer Clothes  

Expect to come out of the mall without anything for you in a bag. You may be used to shopping for yourself, getting the latest trends in fashion. When you are a mom, there is always a feeling of self-pity and desire to pamper yourself. You think of going to the mall to buy stuff for yourself, but it wouldn’t really happen because you will end up shopping for your little angel.  

Less Attention  

If you used to get all the attention from your parents and partner, chances are you would be having less and less. Your love for your baby makes it okay, and it’s what you exactly want, but eventually, you will feel as if no one notices you anymore. It is because the welfare of the baby comes first, and as much as it can consume you, it is okay.  

Less Peace  

Being a mother requires us to love someone more than anything in this world, and when you become a mom, it is like you are going to have a complete reform of your brain. The things you worry about before do not seem to matter that much anymore, and you will have a constant worry about your baby, even thinking about the future when he would have his first heartbreak.  

Motherhood is liberation from selfish thoughts. Marie Hartwell-Walker, EdD, said, “Children should never be brought into the world because the parent needs love. The love of a child is not a substitute for the love of a parent, a partner or friends. Yes, loving our children gets us some loving but that’s a byproduct, not the primary reason we have them.”

It somehow seems like a portal that transforms a woman. There are many changes and adjustments which can sometimes cause emotional exhaustion. It is because no one is ever really ready for it no matter how she thinks she prepared for it. The feelings and emotions revolving motherhood are new and unique. It’s like crossing the bridge when you get there, and you don’t have a choice but to be ready and be a mom.    

Are you stressing over the fact that your child is about to come after a few winks?

You’re not going crazy – all expectant mothers tend to do that. The usual ramblings go along these lines: “Do I have everything I need in the baby bag?”, “How will I push when it’s time?”, and “Am I truly prepared to care for another human being, much less an infant?”.

Read more

Revealing to folks that there’s a baby in the oven often garners mixed reactions. Everyone is over the moon about it and will cheer you on throughout the pregnancy, for sure. “Women can face a range of challenges,” says Margarita Tartakovsky, MS. “For one, many people might not understand exactly what you’re going through, making you feel even lonelier.”

 

But there may always be superstitious people who may warn you to do this and that to prevent bad luck, ensure the child’s healthy development, etc. Read more

Is your current pregnancy giving you difficulties these days? If it’s not due to an underlying health issue, my best guess is that it’s because you gained more pounds than necessary. Read more

 

  When I was still a naïve little girl, I had a very different perspective about pregnancy. In my mind, it only meant that the mom’s belly would expand, and then a baby would pop out after nine long months. They are on point, of course, yet I got served with more realizations as I was experiencing all the physical revamping that naturally come with gestation. “Pregnancy is a vulnerable time for women, one in which we need support from our health professionals to accept our changing bodies, minimize stress, and work towards holistic wellbeing,”writes Alexis Conason, Psy.D.Read more

 

Bearing a child is something that many find miraculous. All women have the parts necessary to create a baby, but there are still some who have difficulty in conceiving. That’s why once they do, they become too cautious, to the point that they almost don’t want to leave the house.

“Our findings highlight pregnancy as a sensitive period when positive lifestyle interventions could have significant and long-lasting beneficial effects on offspring metabolism and disease risk,” says Kevin J. Pearson, PhD, from the University of Kentucky.

Though it’s understandable, your life doesn’t need to stop during pregnancy. That is, considering there are no complications and your OB-GYN didn’t prescribe total bed rest. Check out the do’s and don’ts when you’re expecting below.  

Do:

1. Exercise

Some workouts won’t be too strenuous for pregnant ladies. Yoga and swimming are a couple of them. You may also join an indoor cycling or aerobics class if the doctor allows.

2. Eat Wisely

For sure, your diet cannot just consist of burgers, fries, and other fatty foods, no matter how much you crave for them. Focus on the greens, stray away a bit from carbs, and be picky with the seafood you consume.

3. Sleep

Your body experiences a series of changes and adjustments to make room for the child. It can indeed drain your energy levels; thus, have a nap or two during the day and sleep for at least eight hours every night.

“If you can, build in the ability to take a nap during the day, and try not to see so many people late into the evening,” says clinical psychologist April Fallon, PhD.

4. Hydrate

Pregnancy makes you pee much more than when you didn’t have a growing baby in your womb, doesn’t it? Because of that, you should replenish all the fluids you expel by drinking plenty of water regularly.

5. Medicate Smartly

Assuming you’re already on a lifetime medication before you got pregnant, inform both the OB-GYN and the disease specialist about your new condition. They can tell you which drugs to continue taking and what alternative medicine you can take while you’re in the family way.

6. Take Vitamins

Prenatal vitamins are also necessary because it’s difficult to assume how much of the essential nutrients you can get from the foods you eat. Nevertheless, only take the ones recommended by your doctor.

7. Have Sex

When people tell you that you shouldn’t have sex because you’re pregnant, they’re wrong. The hormonal changes even increase your libido, frankly speaking. Just ask your physician about until when it’s safe for you to have sexual intercourse.  

Don’t:

1. Consume Raw Meat

In case you are a fan of sushi, beef tartare, or fresh oysters, I’m sorry to say that you need to forget them throughout your pregnancy. The people who prepare them may enforce food sanitation, yet you can’t risk acquiring viruses and bacteria due to them.

2. Stay In Heated Baths

Although it feels soothing to rest in a jacuzzi, hot tub, or a sauna, you need to scratch that off your self-pampering list. The high temperature of the waterr can hurt your baby’s growth; that’s why it’s better to skip it too.

3. Expose Yourself To Ill Folks

Being pregnant practically means you’re dividing your immune system between yourself and the child. It may be easy for you to catch a sickness, so you shouldn’t be around people with flu or other diseases.

4. Overeat

Doctors suggest the number of pounds you can add to your pre-baby weight. Heed their advice so that you will likely have a smooth-sailing pregnancy.

5. Chug Cups Of Coffee

Limit your caffeine intake to 12 ounces on a regular basis. You can’t go over that since too much coffee may cause miscarriage.

6. Smoke/Drink

Of course, you should never smoke anything or drink alcoholic beverage when you’re carrying a child. Mothers who do that make their babies more susceptible to having fetal alcohol syndrome, which can decrease their ability to learn new information.

7. Move Without Resting

“Dealing with the complete exhaustion of the first trimester was really the beginning of my realizing that my work–life balance was already starting to shift,” shares Houston clinical psychologist Kay Hurlock Brumbaugh, PsyD. “While maybe a couple of years ago I could be go-go-go — preparing presentations, working with clients, starting a new group therapy — I realized that might no longer be the case as this new chapter began in my life.”

Wherever you are, you can’t be doing the same thing for hours on end. Your body supports the weight of your child as well, so you may ache here and there if you’re always sitting, standing, or walking.

Pregnancy is one of the most significant sources of pride in a woman’s life. It is far better than receiving the highest honors in the academe or having a multi million-dollar company. After all, it entails that you already reached thefull circle, which is an achievement that no one will ever forget. Read more