Understanding my mental state is my priority, so I immediately seek professional help. I talked with my therapist and shared with her some of the worst things I experienced while dealing with depression while pregnant. Allow me to share it in this article.
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What’s Going On?
Dealing With Physical Changes
Honestly, I don’t know what’s happening to me. The truth is, it was a dream come true when I discovered I was pregnant. I have waited for it to happen. I was excited to tell everyone that I was finally having a baby. At first, everything was so great, and I was full of life and energy.
But then, when my tummy started to grow, I felt different. I suddenly developed these wild thoughts about how the whole baby bump would ruin my entire body. I get anxious because people notice my gained weight, skin discolorations, and quite a few rashes. And that negative thought crawled deeper when I became aware of the sudden appearance of stretch marks all over my thighs, arms, and breasts. These physical changes suddenly scare the hell out of me. I started to feel like I didn’t like pregnancy anymore.
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Struggling With Social Connection And Relationship
For quite a while, I knew for sure that I wanted to have a baby. It’s all I have ever wanted since I got married. I know it’s my purpose. But sometimes, I get irritated when people are overly concerned about my situation. I get suffocated even just knowing about their presence near me. I often feel like I don’t want to be surrounded by them because they keep falsely reassuring me that everything is alright. I know it’s not.
Sometimes, I even hate my husband for constantly asking me if I am okay. There’s anger within me because of the thought that I will be the only one who will suffer immensely during the delivery. I’m not too fond of the idea that a man would not experience the same pain and agony a woman feels when giving birth. I wish they would.
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Worrying About Role Changes
Before getting pregnant, I was convinced I would be one of the best parents in the world. I had already decided that I would soon become a cool mom. However, now that I am seven months pregnant and the baby can pop up anytime soon, I feel anxious. What if I’m not good enough for the child? That thought haunts me every night because I suddenly realize that the changes in my role require intense effort.
What if my child hates me? What if I can’t provide the baby with everything? Will I become a bad parent? These negative thoughts won’t stop running in my head. I know that motherhood is challenging, and sometimes it does not go my way. Thus, these thoughts make me feel like I don’t want to continue this pregnancy process anymore. If there’ll be a “quit button,” perhaps I pushed it already.
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Battling With Emotions
I know I am not sad, but I am not happy either. This pregnancy made me realize that wanting a baby requires mental and emotional stability. It is not something a woman should wish for constantly; when she gets it, she can accept it wholeheartedly. There are triggers that might cause someone to dislike the process. There are things that an expecting mother would forget to consider.
Right now, I feel a little crowded with all of this. I will soon be a mother, but I am genuinely afraid of almost anything. I am scared for my baby’s life and worry about how things will turn out. I am scared that people might judge me for being honest about my feelings regarding not wanting to proceed with this pregnancy anymore. I am so caught up with these negative emotions. I guess these hormonal imbalances are getting in the way.
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How Am I Handling Things?
Truthfully, therapy helps me in these struggles. While pregnancy demands so much of my time and energy, therapy ensures that my mental health requires as much attention. I know these are normal stuff that a pregnant woman experiences, so I am willing to help myself get rid of the negative thoughts through professional counseling.
Yes, I might still struggle with different issues while carrying my baby, but I know I will be better if I cooperate with my therapist. She may not have all the answers to my questions and is surely not certain about the future, but she knows the right words to say. That is already enough assistance to go through this mental health recovery process.
So if you are ever dealing with emotional and mental health issues while pregnant, please be more self-aware and notice the sudden changes. That way, you can seek professional advice and won’t make decisions based on your stupid wild thoughts.