Month: April 2019

 

My husband and I got married last year, and I could say that it was the most magical thing that ever happened to me. But now I don’t know if nothing can top that feeling – because I’m just less than two weeks away from delivering our first baby. And the anticipation, the anxiety, and the stress are killing me! This week, I decided to allow my husband to take his long-earned office leave to help me pack my hospital bag and to clean up the house, put things in a better place, and keep everything in order. The baby’s pink-colored room is clean and cute and just ready for little Chelsea to arrive. Her bassinet is right beside the window where I hung colorful dream catchers for her to see. I thought that everything was ready. I feel relatively good, considering the night pains and frequent contractions that have kept me stressed and a little anxious now and then. My husband and I can’t wait to welcome the baby into the world, and I can’t wait to get her out so we’ll both be free!

 

Lisa Chorzempa-Schainis, MD explains that “It’s normal to have some fears about childbirth. After all, so many things need to go right leading up to the delivery of a healthy baby. Expectant moms worry about having a safe birth without complications or too much pain.”

 

The Waiting Game The biggest part of our time from now until I deliver will be waiting for me to deliver, and little Chelsea inside me gets to decide when that is (well, except for the expected time for her to come out according to the doctor). The cramping is erratic. Sometimes it’s tolerable, and sometimes I feel like I want to pinch every inch of my stomach to stop the pain. But I think of my baby inside, and I imagine her crying and looking at me when she comes out, and my heart melts. So amidst the impatience, the frustration and the fear, my husband and I never forget to pray and say thanks for this special blessing and this life-changing event that’s about to happen to us. The back pain seems like forever when you sit or stand in waiting while carrying that big belly. The hips are getting sorer every day, and all I can do is take deep breaths and hot packs to relax. But I just keep in mind that I’ve got this – and I do – and I believe this more especially when I have my husband and my family and friends with me.

 

“It’s part excitement, part anticipation, and part pure fear of the unknown. But it’s also a time when some realistic concerns come to the forefront. And it can begin to feel a bit overwhelming, even for the calmest women,” says Laura Riley, MD.

The Start Of A New Life – Almost If you’re like me, you’d be telling everybody that your due date is coming very soon, but that’s not it. You want it to come soon, but the truth is, we can’t force our babies to come when we want them to. We have to wait for the right time for them to feel that ‘today is the day.’ And when that day comes, we have to be ready for them. When they’re ready, it means our bodies are ready. For now, appreciate the blessing. Feel the moment. Relax and pray for normal and smooth delivery. That’s what I’m doing. I’m counting the days until this cute baby adds up to our family tree and does amazing things that will make us proud.

 

Waiting For Labor Now that I’m nearing due date (or wishing I were), there are some activities that my obstetrician recommended me to do while I’m waiting for labor. So far, they’ve helped me relax, pass the time, and make my most awaited birth month a great one.

1. Watch a movie with hubby. Yesterday, my husband and I watched the Avengers Infinity War, and then tomorrow we planned a movie date with our best friends – a love story. We decided to do the things that would be quite difficult to do when the baby is out.

 

2. Go to the spa. I had the most rejuvenating mani/pedi and foot massage two days ago. My doctor said that I’d done an excellent job keeping my baby healthy, so I deserve some pampering.

 

3. Do a cleanup. I had, of course. My hubby cleaned the windows, and I did the floor. It was a good exercise for my abdominal muscles, only that it should be done slowly.

 

4. Start working on the baby scrapbook. I’m almost done with my pregnancy journal, and I plan to start on Chelsea’s baby book. The first thing that I’ll do is to write a letter to my unborn baby and then ask help from my friends decorating the book. It brings a smile to my face and gets rid of my anxiety.

5. Walk around the neighborhood and get loads of sunlight. It’s good for you and the baby, plus the walking gets you energized and ready for the delivery. According to Susan Biali Haas M.D., “Exercise is also fantastic for healing an anxious brain and discharging physical tension from worries.” 

All these activities have been helping me manage my pregnancy symptoms, and the anticipation of Chelsea’s coming out. How about you? Do you have anything new to share about your labor and delivery? Share it with me!      

My husband and I are trying to get pregnant, and it has been our primary goal over the past few years. Sadly, I can’t stop being sad about it because I feel like it’s been a long time that I expect a result. The pressure, depression, and anxiety, all lead to me having a mental health breakdown. I could not imagine anything else rather than getting pregnant at this point. Each month that the pregnancy test turns negative, it adds more emotional and mental damage. Not only does it affect me, but also my husband as well. But even though that’ is the case, we still hope and feel excited about it. My husband and I are always striving and doing our best to live a healthy lifestyle to allow us a better chance of getting a baby. Unfortunately, up until now, chances are still low. “Your body is smart, it knows that (periods of stress) aren’t good times to have a baby,” says Alice Domar, PhD.

The Pressure I have read an article at BetterHelp that one thing that triggers the mental health issue of this pressure of not getting pregnant is my age. I’m not getting any younger. I do believe that the more I add some years in my life, the harder for me to bear a child. My body is sometimes giving up on me, and I know for a fact that it’s normal. That at a certain point in my life, I know I am not as healthy and active like the way I was before. So I would say that I can expect the unexpected. Another thing that contributes to mental health damage is the people around me. The constant questioning of “when will I bear a child” is killing me every day. I often get uncomfortable with these people asking me about the same question over and over again every time they had the opportunity to see me. And although I already told them not to pressure me, they still give me tons of unsolicited advice that are unmanageable.  

“Give yourself permission to handle the questions in the way that makes you feel most comfortable. That could mean avoiding the question, educating your loved ones, or being honest with them.” Georgia Witkin Ph.D. advised.

I feel depressed and sad all the time. That’s because a lot of my friends are already happy with their kids. Though I seldom wish not to have the kind of pressure they experience as a mom, I somehow envy them for that. I want to experience what it feels like to take care of my little child, cuddle with him, and hold him in my arms. Well, I’m not pathetic, I’m just hopeful I guess.

The reason why it is also mentally damaging is due to the fear and anxiety of not being capable of bearing a child.

“Struggling to have a biological child is a complicated grief process because it’s often an invisible loss,” says Martha Diamond, PhD. “There are not rituals or public ways to honor these losses, and people often don’t talk about it. They feel like something is wrong with them, and these situations can deliver a painful blow to someone’s self-esteem.”

It’s not like I am in a situation where I should give up on trying conceiving. But I am at this point where I need to undergo specific medical procedures to be able to get the results I want. The only problem in this state is the “assurance” that will convince me that everything is entirely okay. Well, I hope it will. For me, taking care of myself also adds pressure. There are lots of adjustments I need to take. Though I already tried doing some of it, it somehow it feels not enough. I have this sense of urgency to change everything in my life only to get pregnant. With that, I feel like I’m becoming someone I’m not. I don’t find myself smiling and laughing anymore because my focus was to look for ways that will help me get pregnant. I get too obsessed about pregnancy and anything related to it.

With all the damages the pressure of getting pregnant is giving me, one is becoming the worst. The emotional and mental strain is making me lose my relationship. I love my husband more than anything in the world. But too much exhaustion, devastation, failed expectation, sadness, and isolation is ruining us apart. I can’t appear to do anything about it because I’m mentally drained already. With the greater hope of bearing a child, I know I have to make a lot of sacrifices. I need to undergo clinical processes that not all else does; only to make sure that everything can work according to my needs. Honestly, I don’t regret my decision of not having a child at an early age or maybe on a couple of years ago. However, giving all these pressure of getting pregnant, I think I am starting to feel that way. I am about to lose hope.